The first voice you hear in your head sounds like you, but it’s probably someone else. Don’t trust it. –Dan Rockwell

I had a burning itch to cut my hair short around the time I gave birth to my daughter.  In fact, I was eager to try out some edgy hair cuts that included shaving quadrants of my head.  But when I contemplated booking a salon appointment I was paralyzed.  There was the surface fear of a hair cut gone awry, but I sensed that there was something deeper going on in my subconscious that deserved scrutiny.

Upon investigation, I had the epiphany that I was mentally consulting opinions from my past conservative church community.  There were 3 women whose voices were proverbially stuck in my head, and I found them to be a persistent jury over many areas of my life. I could picture one of them passive-aggressively lamenting aloud, whilst brandishing a potluck casserole, “Oh I remember when you used to have the most beautiful, long hair.”  I could imagine my indignation spike over some sideways commentary from the peanut crowd,  ” the glory of the woman is her hair.”  I took inventory of the ways these imagined opinions were affecting many of my decisions at that time.  

We each have an inner guiding voice, a deep inner knowing of what our truth is.  Sometimes it can be very hard to tune into this voice amidst the eternal chatter of our minds and the very real input of those around us.  We may also have inadvertently learned to second-guess our every decision and to “run it up the flag pole” for approval.  This can make befriending our intuition feel terrifyingly out of reach.  One way to clear the mind chatter is to start by tuning into it and figuring out what or WHO has taken up residence in your head?

There were 3 key questions that I asked myself when I investigated the source of my fears around shortening my locks:

Whose voices are in my head?
Answer: In this case, it was 3 outspoken church ladies.

Is this someone that I respect and want to emulate in my life?
Answer: No, these were women I appreciated, but not women I admired and wanted to emulate.

Do I want to give this person a vote on my decisions now or in the future?
Answer:  Hard No.

After doing this mental exercise, I promptly thanked these influential women for their opinions and then gave them permission to leave my head.  I became liberated to explore numerous edgy hair cuts, and explore I did!  I dipped my toe in with a bob, followed by a Rockstar-inspired high undercut, and then I completely shaved my head just because I had always thought I wanted to try it.  Some cuts were nearly disastrous, but I lived through every one. I’ve had short hair ever since and loved the expressive freedom that comes with it. 

Did I hear the in-person, real-life lament from an old church lady about my former glorious hair at one point?  Yes, and it was easy to dismiss because I was prepared for it.

Is there something you have thought of doing, but your holding back?  Take a moment to check in with the thoughts that are playing in your mind. 

Are they your thoughts or can you hear someone else in your head, a parent, a partner, a childhood classmate or a school teacher?

Take a moment to ask the 3 Key Questions and decide if it’s time to give these voices permission to exit.