“Until you make the unconscious conscious it will rule your life and you will call it fate.” –Carl Jung

We each have beliefs about our circumstances, about the way things are and how they should be.  Many times these beliefs go uninvestigated while they play in the background of our minds for years, decades, or lifetimes.  These uninvestigated beliefs can hold us back from making important changes in our lives and thus become SELF limiting. 

A simple exercise that helped me investigate these self-imposed limitations has been one of the greatest catalysts for transforming my life.
In this post I’ll share how I did this exercise and how it changed my life.

I first learned about this process around 2016.  I had just had a baby, moved to a new location, and started a business.  My former spouse was working significant hours and I was unconsciously isolated and depressed.  I enrolled in an online video course that promised me the life of my dreams.  While my dream life is yet to miraculously materialize, the helpful videos took me through the process of mind dumping all of my beliefs, worries, doubts, and fears around whatever specific subject of my life was troubling me most.  The recommendation was to be repeated as often and in whatever life area one might choose.
The subject I was brooding about most at that time was my young family.  I listed out my beliefs about my family as honestly as I could.

Some of my beliefs at the time were:

~I’m a bad parent.
~My kids are out of control.
~My children don’t respect me.
~My children won’t listen to me.

The way the exercise works it to write out your beliefs as honestly as you can and then evaluate them and re-write them the way that you would rewrite a story with a happy ending.  In essence, affirming the reality that you desire, in the PRESENT tense, and in a way that feels true for you.  Present tense is essential!  Your affirming reality is not a reality if it is simply a wish for the future. 

This was my corresponding rewrite for each of the above beliefs:

~I love my children deeply and create a safe environment for them.
~I give my children freedom to develop their personalities.
~My children desire the structure and discipline that I provide for them.
~My children are independent and have strong minds.

This exercise doesn’t have to be done perfectly in order for it to bring greater awareness to your situation and help you recognize that

 sometimes your inner stories are completely bogus OR sometimes they are areas that need more exploration and some real work.

When I reviewed my very first chicken scratch version of this exercise, I noticed that there was a limiting belief on the sheet that I didn’t even address at all.  I don’t know why I didn’t, but it has a glaring blank space on it’s corresponding rewrite.  I’m going to assume that I didn’t know how to re-write that belief during that very first exercise.  It must have felt impossible at the time.  In hindsight, I recognize that in some ways there wasn’t a way to re-write that glaring belief because that relationship would require a full exit. 

You don’t know what you don’t know.
Give yourself grace, understanding, and patience as you uncover your formerly unexplored shadows.
Anything worth doing is worth doing imperfectly (at first).  I like to call this the cringe-factor. Be willing to cringe at yourself, but bring an open and loving curiosity about yourself as your expand your awareness. 

DO NOT use this, or any other exercise, as another reason to beat yourself up.

The POWER is in the PROCESS, not in the PERFECTION.

That simple first exercise started to transform the way that I viewed at my situation.
It helped to take the edge off of the insane pressure I was putting on myself.
It helped me to recognize the positive flip side of my behaviors.
It helped me to focus MORE on what I want, and less on what I don’t want.
It helped me to stop the record player and tune in to what thoughts are driving my behavior.

For example, if you are convinced you are a bad parent, you’re more likely to accept that as an identity and feel disempowered.   But if you take the time to think about all the ways you show up for your children, show them love, and care for them it’s easy to become empowered to do more of those same right actions.
As within, so without.  Energy flows where focus goes.  

What scientists and researches have found is that the smart, rational part of your brain (prefrontal cortex) is seldom making your decisions.  Alarmingly, it is your subconscious mind that is “running the show.”

I still utilize self-limiting belief exercises to combat raging self-doubt when I start something new that creates a lot of anxiety and discomfort in my mind.  There is no right or wrong way to do this.  I mind dump my worries and beliefs about a change or goal I have into my digital journal and then go back and address each one by either re-writing it in a positive way that I know to be true for me or fully turning it into a positive affirmation. 

Once I have become aware of the beliefs that have been giving me so much fear and anxiety, and I have addressed them through a positive re-write, I will often print this list and put it somewhere where I can re-read it from time to time to remind myself (usually my refrigerator). 

This exercise was my super secret weapon to help me prepare for my first body building show and WIN IT!

What if I told you that many of the self limiting beliefs that are holding you back are possibly not even your own beliefs?  They are external beliefs that you shopped from your family, community, and society and accepted without question.  You can learn more about that process by checking out my post about The Voices in Your Head.